Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
