my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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