I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want nice things and good sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
