I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
