it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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