why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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