I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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