Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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