When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
