Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize