My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the day after is always just damage control
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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