I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
