My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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