Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
