I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
