Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
