I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize