maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
