Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
