I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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