So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
