He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
