I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
