Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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