i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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