oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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