seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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