He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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