Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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