dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
