hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
