You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
