He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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