oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
