Whod you bang
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
