Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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