Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
