Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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