it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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