Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
