I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
