K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
