This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
