I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
