Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
