Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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