He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
