The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
