This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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