We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
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he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize