i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
