They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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