She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral