Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!