Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.