Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'