Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.