I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Use "feeling words"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".