I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
