Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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