I wish I could teleport
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
try to milk me bitch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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