Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize