Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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