2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
