i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
