Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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