That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
